I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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