Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
