I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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