my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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