i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
