I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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