just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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