She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
