I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
