you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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