dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
