if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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