Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
