watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
