Quick, to the slutcave!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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