Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
