Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
