is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
