Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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