I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
