and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
