They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
