I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
