did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
