remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
