Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
