Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
