Soap is not a condiment
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
