Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
