I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
