Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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