Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
