we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
