Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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