The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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