I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
