thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
