So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
