1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
