Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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