Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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