I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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