How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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