This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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