Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
