Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
