.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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