you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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