bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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