Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I pour the whiskey from now on
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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