There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
