Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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