His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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