just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
