Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
