First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
