Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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