Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
