My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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