i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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