i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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