Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
