Will you blow on my dice?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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