high people should be assigned attendants
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The air taste purple.
Randomize
