i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
