Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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