Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
