So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
