Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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