Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
