we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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