tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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