If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was like eating out sand paper
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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