Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
