he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're too hungover to prance.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
