Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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