why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
